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 warm water, tag: miles w/ buddy
Feb 2 2017, 10:17 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
They said that the way you spent New Year's set the precedent for the coming year. If that was true, Marcel was sure the New Year would be an amazing one. He had made a concerted effort to be in Chicago this year.

While the rest of the world plunged into madness, Marcel felt anchored knowing Buddy would always be there. It wasn't the first time they'd rung in the New Year together, but it was the first time as boyfriends, and that made it special. Everything they did felt glittering and new and a little bit uncertain. Wandering around with their fingers linked, the midnight kiss that got him tipsier than the champagne.

He plunged into 2017, busy with work, still giddy with love. But he had dropped everything - work and mood alike when Buddy had asked him to come over. They'd been friends long enough that Marcel could read his tone even through a text message.

After the time he'd spent staying with Buddy, the apartment felt more like home than ever, though his nerves were a bit on edge as he let himself in. He hoped it was something small - another bug to be killed, a silly worry, a small repair, easy fix. Though from the lack of details in the text, he got the feeling it was something more.

"Buddy?" Marcel announced himself, though he didn't always expect to heard.

buddy <3
Feb 9 2017, 05:13 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
This year was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be the year when things finally started to work out for him. Buddy had had an amazing start spending it with the boy that he loved more than the entire world. Despite the impending chaos of President Yam Buddy felt like he could make it through this. That there was light shining in among all the darkness, light in the form of a boy named Marcel.

And then just like that the carpet had been ripped out from under him, sending him tumbling down in a crumpled little emotional heap. He hadn’t been able to reply to the texts his sister had sent. As soon as he had gotten them it had felt like he was dying. His throat was closing and he struggled to breathe, his heart was racing out of his chest and he couldn’t stop shaking. The world around him spun so fast he thought he might faint or throw up. Buddy was convinced that he was having a heart attack.

He had barely managed to send Marcel a plea for help, collapsing onto the floor in a shell of iridescent space rock. This couldn’t be happening. This year was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be the year he gained enough confidence to wear the clothes shoved in the back of his closet. The year he started asking his friends to call him the pronouns he had been using online for years. The year he could introduce Marcel as his boyfriend. And now it was all ruined.

When Marcel entered his sobs could be heard from the bathroom, pained gasps while he was curled in the tightest ball he could manage. Hugging his knees and crying into them in a way that was definitely not any kind of bug. His phone lying at his feet with a clearly zoomed in picture of him and Marcel sharing a kiss, Is this you? What the fuck?

Feb 10 2017, 11:27 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
He already had a sinking feeling, but when the sound of Buddy's sobs reached Marcel, he felt his stomach drop in a sick, panicked lurch. He made his way to the bathroom, dropping onto his knees beside Buddy.

He had a hand resting on the back of Buddy's neck, feeling the rough surface of his rock shell. Buddy's encasements were always so beautiful. Shimmering and alien, and perhaps most beautiful of all because they protected the boy he loved.

Though it was clear that they could do nothing to protect him now. It was unsettling to look at the picture, the two of them joyous and embracing, the comfortable memory of that night at odds with the message underneath and the panic that filled them now. That something so good and right had been made to seem so wrong.

Marcel looked to Buddy - his brows furrowed in concern, pulling his boyfriend closer, trying to be steady for him. The hand at the back of his neck massaging lightly as he mumbled sweet nothings. His first priority was to get Buddy calmed down before they broached the difficult topic. It would have had to happen eventually, their families finding out. But this wasn't how Marcel had expected it.

They would need to talk, but what Buddy really needed now was comfort. Marcel couldn't promise that everything was fine, but he could promise that they would handle it together.

buddy <3
Feb 12 2017, 10:17 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
It would be so much easier if he hated his family. If they were mean and terrible and treated him poorly. Sure, they weren’t perfect but they were good people. They had paid for Buddy’s college and had given him anything he could have needed. They supported his art even if they didn’t agree with it. But they weren’t perfect. They never bothered to understand his hearing loss and they kept encouraging him to get double eyelid surgery. They were good people with some very limited worldviews, which only made this harder.

They had already made their stance on queerness very obvious. Buddy was absolutely convinced that they were going to disown him now. That he would never be able to see them again, even if things were still a little strained. All he had ever wanted was to make them proud and he was failing. So much for this being the year he blossomed into a beautiful and confident non-binary individual.

His concept of time had long since escaped, allowing Marcel to wrap him up and hold him tight. As his sobs started to dwindle down to gentle crying the shell encasing him faded away until it was completely gone and he was clinging to his boyfriend like if he let go he would fall to his doom.

“She’s telling my mom tonight,” he confessed, his voice trembling almost as badly as he was. They both knew how she was. Everything had to be exactly so. Nothing could be out of place. It had been a battle just to have her let him apply to animation schools and to keep his hair long. This? This was absolutely inexcusable. Not to mention the fact that she would most certainly inform Marcel’s own parents. “My…I’m over…”


Feb 20 2017, 04:06 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
He didn't know how long they'd been sitting there. Gradually, he felt the rock beneath his fingers soften and give way to skin, the sobs give way to quiet, punctuated only with Buddy's shaky breathing and the feeling of his own heavy heart beating.

He waited for Buddy to explain.

Marcel had never cared much about what anyone - even his parents - thought. Maybe it was selfish of him. Not that he could ever denounce their opinions entirely. He could understand being grateful, he could understand feeling like you owed your parents something after all they'd done for you. His own weren't perfect, but he'd never felt afraid of them the way Buddy was afraid now.

"Shit." A bit nervously, his fingers toyed with Buddy's hair. There was definitely no easy fix for this.

He couldn't make any empty promises - he knew Buddy's mom probably wouldn't take the news well. Especially because it was him. Marcel, the bad influence. He wouldn't mind taking the blame, but it wasn't like that would make things any easier for Buddy.

"Are you going to talk to her?" They would need to eventually.

buddy <3 an effort was made...

Feb 22 2017, 10:01 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
Buddy's relationship with each of his parents had always been complicated. Always the type to see the best in people, Buddy didn't like to think that they were bad parents, just that they hadn't been the best for a kid like himself. They had expected so much and he hadn't been able to deliver.

They had refused to understand that he wasn't going out of his way to ignore people. They had refused to try and meet him halfway. While they still supported him, they did so in a way that often made him feel guilty for it. They supported him in a way that made him feel like he was a bad son. Well, his mother more so than his father. With his father it was entirely different. His father who barely knew English and Buddy who knew maybe five words in Korean.

He wiped his face with his sleeves, eyes red and puffy and his nose red. It was the ugly kind of crying where he wasn't just leaking from his eyes and involved a lot of snuffling. "Talk to who?" he questioned, having not gotten the full sentence, but as soon as the words came out his mind had filled in the blanks. "I begged Cordelia not to tell anyone and she told me I was disgusting..." He trailed off, looking away from Marcel and down at the floor. "My mom...She'll probably just say the same thing..."

He went quiet for a while to regain himself, trying not to repeat her words over and over and over. Trying to push them away. "Can we...Will you come with me to see my dad, though?" He was the most likely to be accepting, but the language barrier was intense.

Feb 27 2017, 10:49 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
Marcel didn't like to let things get to him, but this did. It was a feeling he was unaccustomed to - a ball of nerves, anger, grief, knotting in his chest. "You know you're not, Buddy?" He pressed his fingers under Buddy's chin, tilting his head up gently so he would meet his eyes again. "You aren't disgusting." He said it slow and earnest. "You're brave and kind and beautiful and successful. They should be proud, and it's fucked up they can't see that." Marcel leaned in to peck Buddy on the lips.

"Of course." Marcel's Korean was pretty limited - he only spoke it with his parents and family, and on the occasional visit back. It was probably a stretch to even call him fluent, but he could hold a basic conversation, he could get a point across. He always managed. Especially knowing how badly Buddy needed the support right now.

buddy <3 an effort was made...
Mar 17 2017, 09:09 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
Buddy had never been an angry person. It just wasn't something he had felt very frequently. He got frustrated, but rather than the frustration coming out aggressively it came out in the form of leaking from his eyes. He was gentle and soft. He took on the emotions of the people around him, taking in their pain and their sadness. This didn't just upset him because their words hurt. It upset him because they knew it came from a place of pain. Because people who said these kinds of things about other people were people with a lot of self-hatred that they projected onto other people. "I know," he squeaked. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less." He hurt for himself, but he also hurt for his family.

"We should go soon then," he pointed out. "Before anyone else gets to him." Definitely not right this very second, though. His eyes were red and puffy, tears stained his cheeks and he still had a horrid case of the sniffles. And he definitely wasn't feeling up to being out in public just yet. "She'll probably tell your parents too." He couldn't remember if he had stated as much yet. "I'm sorry.." He couldn't help but feel like it was his own fault for not having just told them himself.


Apr 14 2017, 08:26 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
He nodded in agreement, pulling Buddy closer. He might have joked about being a space rock, and sometimes he really seemed of another world. An ethereal being far from home, home being a gentler place. At times like this, Marcel though he didn't belong or deserve to be in a place like this, as much as he took a selfish joy in Buddy's presence.

"Don't be." None of this was Buddy's fault. "I can handle my parents." Marcel knew his parents wouldn't be happy, but he didn't think it would be as bad as dealing with Buddy's. His parents growing more accepting of the fact that Marcel wasn't ever going to be the upstanding young nice Korean boy they'd hoped for.

He knew Buddy would need some time to pull himself together. And though he cried and upset easily, he always did pull himself together. Marcel wanted to help in any way he could. "Should I brew some tea?" he made it a question because as much as he thought it might help calm Buddy down, he didn't particularly want to let go of him either.

Apr 18 2017, 08:33 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
As Marcel held him close all remnants of the rocky shell were gone now, replaced instead with a little angel who was beginning to calm down. No more shaking like a tiny leaf. Tears slowing down. Marcel made him feel like he was worth the world. He could be himself with Marcel and nothing less. He could be as gay as he wanted. He could be as delicate as he wanted. He could wear the adorable clothes he stashed in the back of his closet without feeling guilty. Marcel loved him for how soft and delicate and gay he was. Not for how good he was at being what his parents wanted.

“We can handle them together,” he offered. “If you want…” Buddy wasn’t sure what was more terrifying, handling his dad or Marcel’s parents. It wasn’t that they were at all scary, it was just that almost everything scared Buddy. They had never had nay problems with Buddy. Had always treated him kindly. They were nice. Plus they had given him Marcel and he couldn’t complain about that.

He nodded. “Tea, right?” he confirmed, not sure if he had misread or misheard. “Could probably use it. And a comfier place to sit.” The bathroom floor was cold and hard and he wasn’t a big fan of sitting there any more. “You’re so good to me, Marcy.” He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and pressed a kiss onto Marcel’s cheek. “I mean…the plus side is that now that they know I don’t have to hide,” he pointed out. “The worst has already happened.”

no notes // @marcel park
May 6 2017, 11:07 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
"I would." His parents liked Buddy, and just his presence would probably help smooth things over. They'd come around eventually - they always did - and be glad that of all people it was Buddy.

"Yeah," he confirmed, standing. "Come on." Marcel held out a hand to help Buddy up. He just smiled, a hand snaked around Buddy's waist as they walked to the kitchen. He didn't think there was anything to good for Buddy. The opposite, if anything.

"Isn't it freeing?" As much as there was something very... Buddy about stolen kisses and quiet love, it was a relief that they weren't forced into secrecy. Buddy had a good support system - friends who loved and supported him for who he was and who he loved. His family had been the biggest concern. And even if things with them didn't turn out picture perfect, it would be over with, no longer looming over their heads.

"You wanna do anything else crazy while you're feeling brave? Skydiving? Safari trip? Vegas wedding?" He knew Buddy was still scared of facing his father, of facing Marcel's parents. It was brave of him to offer.

May 12 2017, 09:09 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
Buddy had never been the courageous type. They had never been the one to speak out and stand up and put themselves out there. They preferred to stay in the background. In school they had never been the one to raise their hand even if they knew the answer. They’d sat towards the back of the class where they couldn’t hear the lesson but they also weren’t going to be called upon either.

But Marcel had this way of making Buddy feel like they could do anything. Like they could conquer the grossest and scariest spider if they really wanted to. Marcel made Buddy feel like the princesses that they loved to draw while also being the kind of princess Tumblr would love. Merida and Moana, the princesses that were strong and brave and took care of themselves.

“Okay,” they agreed, using Marcel’s hand to bring themselves up off of the ground. They leaned into the boy who made them feel so strong and so special and so loved while they walked. “Maybe once I stop being so scared it will be,” they pointed out with a soft laugh. Maybe one day it would feel freeing, but right now they just felt defeated. “I was actually thinking of getting a tarantula,” they joked, but then immediately shuddered at the thought.

no notes // @marcel park

Jun 7 2017, 06:21 PM
he/him
twenty-three


astral projection
photographer
marcel park
jules [she/her] • 84 posts


With you I'm in warm water
swimming down
He seated Buddy at the kitchen counter, pressing a kiss to their forehead before busying himself with the kettle for a moment. "Tarantulas are pretty cuddly, right?" He looked down to Yeou, who had followed them into the kitchen. "He might mind, though."

Marcel leaned across the counter to look at Buddy, a smile both encouraging and adoring curling his lips. He understood how hard it was. Marcel knew his parents had given up a lot to immigrate, to give him and his sister a better life. Marcel owed them a lot - but there was also a lot that he didn't owe them.

"Hey, thanks for sticking by me." Buddy could have denied it, could have thrown Marcel under the bus or broken up with him. And while Marcel hadn't expected that from Buddy - he was not always brave but he was always kind - the possibility didn't go unnoticed. "I'm gonna try and make all this worthwhile."

Jun 19 2017, 05:09 AM
they / he
twenty-three


armoured skin
animator, comic artist
buddy nahm
miles [they / them] • 755 posts


now it's over
Buddy’s movements towards the kitchen were automatic. Following Marcel along like a puppy who didn’t know where else to go. Wiping their eyes with his shirt until they got to the kitchen and they could get some tissues. (There was a box in almost every room of his apartment with their tendency to cry so often.) Their eyes hurt from being rubbed so much and their head was starting to ache and they were really tired. The weight of their sobbing and their fear catching up with them.

The idea of cuddling a tarantula was just as sob-worthy and terrifying. Buddy visibly shuddered at the thought, looking down at Yeou for a distraction. Lowering down to pick him up and snuggle him close while standing at the kitchen counter. “For his sake, I guess I’ll opt out of the tarantula. He’s jealous enough of you as it is.” Yeou liked to have all of Buddy’s attention.

Marcel’s next words filled Buddy with surprise. Wondering why on earth Marcel would ever think that Buddy wouldn’t stick around. “Marcy,” he breathed out, putting Yeou back down on the ground despite him clearly not wanting to be down there. “It’s not…I wouldn’t ever want to be anywhere else,” they admitted. “And it’s not your responsibility to make up for what my family decides.”

no notes // @marcel park

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